2 tests tomorrow. No time.

Mood: Prepared
Soundtrack: Loveline in the Background

So tomorrow I have to go to class which means I can't stay up too late tonight which sucks. I can't believe my test is at 8 am on tuesday. That sucks. oh well I'm almost done. I can't wait. Unfortunately like I said, I don't have much time so expect short updates until tuesday.

Mood: Good
Soundtrack: A Perfect Circle Mer de Noms

So I've been looking into some physics stuff to get ready for the physics major and it looks like I'm going to have to study some chemistry and some computer science over the summer. Getting a book on intro to C++ or something should be ok. I went to the review session today and I am feeling pretty good about the exam. I'm tired so that will be all for now. Just a few days until I'm done.

Mood: Tired
Soundtrack: None

So tired... Just quickly updating. So tired today, I just came home and watched the 2 towers on tnt. It was really good. The comercials were annoying. I also saw the beginning of "the Librarian: quest for the spear". My math professor has extended class so that there is going to be another class meeting on monday. Tomorrow I have to go to a review section. Oh well. that's it for me.

Mood: Confident... Kinda
Soundtrack: Oasis (What's the Story) Morning Glory

So we did half of a practice midterm in physics discussion today and I would have probably gotten very nearly full credit on all three questions. I feel really prepared for Physics and I have a few days left to go over some last stuff. The only problem is now with Math. I had to try and teach myself the 2 hardest topics in 53 tonight all because my proffessor was so slow this semester. Needless to say, I failed at trying to teach myself. Luckily I have tomorrow's lecture, tomorrow's discussion, this weekend and office hours on monday to go over it. I hope I do well. I think that by the time I take the test I'll be prepared, but we'll see. I'm pretty tired so that's all for me today. There will be more and longer posts after break. Plus pictures since my mom bought a digital camera.

Mood: On top of things
Soundtrack: Coldplay Parachutes

I was able to get through my work for today rather quickly and now I feel really solid for Math. I think that things are going to work out pretty well for me. I feel really on top of things right now. I think I might be able to really nail this Physics final. I can't wait for this semester to be over. I went through 3 chapters of Giancoli/Elby and feel really good about the material. I just have a few things to hammer out and I know that the later material in the class is easier, plus we just went over it. I just keep making some silly mistakes with electric potential. I think I'll need to read that stuff over one more time, but seeing as how I started preparing for this final a month ago, I feel on top of things. One last thing to go over that I haven't given much thought to is all that thermo stuff. Oh well. I really do enjoy this physics stuff and I can't wait until 7c. This summer I'm hopefully going to be able to get into some research so that should be really exciting. Things are just going to get a lot better after I get all done with this semester. O well, that's all I have to say for now.

Mood: Exhausted
Soundtrack: Coldplay Parachutes

I didn't get nearly as much studying done today as I had hoped to. I had to put together my final project for my hitchhikers guide decal and that took a lot more time that I had hoped. I put together a book which meant I had to figure out how to print it out and it was plain and simply a bitch, but it was a challenge that I was up for and I even had a little fun figuring it out. However, this meant that I didn't have a chance to do all the work that I had hoped. I've got a math quiz tomorrow and I don't think I'll do too well. O well, it's only one. I'm predicting right now an A in math and a B+ in Physics. That seems optimistic but that is what I honestly think I will end up getting. I have a lot more studying to do and right now math is giving me a lot more problems than I'm used to, but I can't wait until next semester. Both 54 and 7C are easier than 53 and 7B. I'll just be so happy. This winter break is going to be a lot of hanging out and not much else. This summer I'm hoping that I'm going to be able to do some research or something.

So today was my last decal class meeting and it was a little bittersweet. I'm going to miss all those people. I really felt as if they were my friends but I don't know them well enough to keep seeing them outside of class. But I will probably bump into them a couple of times. After class I stayed and talked with my project partner for a while after class. He is a pretty cool guy. I'll miss them all but who knows I might see them again next semester. He said he was doing a decal next semester but I forgot which one. O well, we'll see. I really liked the guy that led it; he reminded me a lot of David (Paul's roommate). I think I could have gotten to know him pretty well in the right context but o well.

I'm exhausted (as the mood thingy says) so that's it for me tonight.

Mood: Sleepy
Soundtrack: Loveline in the Background

Today I've had a lot of work to do and I did figure out that Math problem from last night. I was going over a lot of physics from Elby and was disappointed to find out that some of the earlier problems were more complicated than I remember, but I finished 2 and a half chapters tonight so I am way ahead in my study schedule. Things are looking good. Now I just have to figure how I am going to study for Math. Not too much happened today, just classes and work. Today was my mom's birthday and unfortunately she had some car trouble but now that we have 3 cars that isn't as big of a deal. I just can't wait to get to the end of the semester. Then I can finally lose some of this weight I gained back out of stress after my last midterm. Although I think I'm around 210 which is much better than the 235 I was before this summer began. I'd like to be below 200 by my birthday, which is very doable. I do a lot of walking and don't have time to each very much so I think that is why my weight has stayed relatively low without me doing any cardio or weights. Although I do think that the walking around here has to count as cardio because I make it a point to power walk and around here walking it more like hiking and by the end of a long walk, I feel it and my heart is pumping.

I'm very tired so that will be all for tonight. Sorry for being so rambly.

Mood: At ease
Soundtrack: Coldplay X&Y

Not too much new up with me. On Friday I walked this post grad from Ghana over to the Student Store. He is working on efficiency standards for refrigerators. He was pretty cool guy and we had a nice conversation. I think his name was Ben Higgins but I'm not sure on his last name.

It's my mom's birthday tomorrow so yesterday we had a party for her (confusing huh?) and it was pretty fun. My aunt, uncle, cousins, and my cousin's wife came over. Mostly this weekend I took a break and played a lot of X-men Legends 2. It's a great game but I just wish that it had cable in it. Oh well. I thought I had finished with Christmas shopping earlier but in fact I hadn't. The fm transmitter I bought for Mel's dad's iPod wouldn’t work so I had to return it and find another one, however the only ones that would work with his iPod were either $100 or ones with questionable user reviews. I don't have enough money to buy him that nice of one and if I did, I'd have to get something extra for his wife and once again I don't have money for that either. I just hope he likes it. O well, he'll probably never use it just like the other gifts I've gotten him. I also found out today that my mom hates chenille fabric in clothing. Unfortunately, I bought her 2 chenille sweaters for Christmas. Should I return them? I don't know. How was I supposed to know she didn't like them, she wears that kind of sweater all the time. I don't know. Right now they are over at Mel's. I'll have to take a look at them and see how much they shed and pill. O well.

I, interestingly enough, have stopped worrying so much about death, which is a good thing since as of last night, it was my every 3rd thought. You see my problem was that I couldn't believe that there was any kind of an afterlife because I think that most beliefs of that kind are based around fear, but then Mel pointed out to me a very key other important axiom I have. I truly believe that there is some higher power and to me, if there is a higher power, I can't see how there could possibly be nothing after death, because that would all just seem so exceptionally cruel. This was a big deal for me so now I feel I am much saner...

For the first time in my life, I am seriously thinking that maybe I should look into getting a therapist. I'll have to look around and see what's available here on campus. I think most of that stuff is centered around suicide prevention though, which is not my problem. I dunno, I might ask my parents if it might be ok. It's just that I get panicky really easy and I can't stop worrying about things. I have to get up 3-4 times during the night to make sure that the door is locked. My brother just makes fun of me and tells me stuff like "stop worrying" but I can't. I worry so much that I get panic attacks about 3-4 times a week. I dunno, I'll have to mull it over some more.

Well, I've got some homework to do and I want to watch some TV tonight so I'd better be going.

I'm back. I couldn't quite finish my math because the assignment is ahead of the lectures and rather than trying to grim and bare my way through it, I'll just wait until I can talk with my GSI about it. That is what they are there for anyway. As long as I get the concept by Wendesday I'll be doing fine. Another thing that happened today is that I went to visit my Grandfather today and he is doing a lot better today. He really was happy to see us and seemed really excited to talk to me. When we were about to leave Paul and mom went into the car and he just kept talking to me about all kinds of things: my classes, my roomate, places in Berkeley. I don't want it to sound like he doesn't normally want to talk to me, it just was that he seemed especially interested today which was really great. Today has been a pretty good day. The only thing is that I wish I could have figured out how to do those math problems. It's the last new concept of the semester so I guess that's why it's so complicated. I think my problem stems from some mistake I'm making while parameterizing my surfaces. I'm not quite sure. I've got a lot of studying to do this week, so I probably won't post as much, but soon my classes will be over. I can't wait. I should be going to sleep now though so see you next time.

Mood: Relaxed
Soundtrack: A Perfect Circle Emotive

I'm feeling really nice and relaxed today. I knew the stuff in Physics discussion really well and it is pretty complicated. I think I will do pretty well on this final. It's raining right now and from my window I've got a nice view of the street. I really love my apartment over here. It's so cozy. All you imaginary people that read this, please come visit sometime. I should get started on my math and physics homework but I'll probably take a nap first. O well, get back to you later.

Mood: Tired
Soundtrack: Random Party Shuffle
I just finished doing a survey for Berkeley transportation. Apparently they are considering giving us unlimited use of BART with a class pass which would just be awesome. Before that I was talking to Clarence a little bit about his classes. I hadn't talked to him in a while. Most of the time I'm here in my hole studying physics and in the mornings he has normally already left. Before that I was, well, sitting in my hole studying physics. I don't have all that much time today and I am getting really tired so I guess that's all folks, not even enough time to proofread today. This is the best you're going to get ::notices he hasn't told anyone he has even started a blog and swears under his breath::

Mood: Feeling on Top of Things
Soundtrack: R. E. M. Around the Sun

Today, I had physics discussion with a nice little quiz. It went pretty well and after a short discussion about different x-men characters with some of my labmates, I went of to be experimented on for my psychology class. I'm taking it pass/fail and these experiments are only worth 10% so I don't know why I bother even doing them but o well I still do. I think that taking psych 2 pass/fail was a big mistake. This is the second time that I took Paul's advice and regretted it. This exact same thing happened my first semester with Astro 10. I got an A but it was only a P because I took it pass/fail. O well, its not like an A in psych 2 would mean anything for me. I mean, I don't think physics grad schools would be impressed by it or anything.

Last night my dad tried to convince me that I should look more seriously into teaching junior college. I dunno I'd just much rather teach college even though it would be a lot more stress. We'll just see. It just seems like there are a lot of people that go to junior college and don't ever go anywhere. They never transfer out; they just stay there forever because they are afraid of getting a job. O well.

I just finished working on that hitchhikers guide pastiche thing. It's going pretty well. I think it will all turn out ok. I mean it's not like I have to put a lot of time or anything into it, it's just a decal. O well. Who knows, maybe in some future posts I might put up some of my writing like my poems or something. Maybe not. I don't know if I want to subject the internet to that kind of bad writing. I say O well a lot. O well

Mood: Pensive
Soundtrack: Frou Frou Details
Well, I finished my work for tonight and have about half an hour before I can call anyone so guess what, this is the time of the day that I started this blog for. I have two weeks to go and then all I have is finals. Ever since I got that physics midterm I've been studying pretty hard core everyday, but I did take a break for the Thanksgiving Holiday. I have my 3-hour math final at 8 am and then an hour break followed by my 3-hour physics final. It seems like that should be a fun day. I haven't really seen all that much that is rant worthy lately so o well. Recently I haven't been up to too much other than homework. Over thanksgiving my mom bought us an early Christmas present (x-men legends 2). It's a pretty awesome game except that they only put cable in the psp version which is pretty damn annoying. Oh well. I've all but completely decided to be a physics major which makes me rethink the whole math 104 over the summer thing but we'll see about that. In other news, I was going to go to Germany with Mel this winter break but that got pushed back to next year because I just need to be home this winter break. I know that my mom misses me a lot even though I come home often. I don't get a chance to spend too much time with her because I'm normally out with Mel. I also have been worrying a lot about my Grandfather on my Mom's side. He's had cancer for a while and is pretty sick. We had thanksgiving over at his house this year but he couldn't spend it with us because he was so tired and uncomfortable. I don't know it's all been pretty hard on me I guess. I've never had to deal with anything like this before. My Grandfather was always someone that I looked up to and he just always seemed so invincible. Up until he started getting really sick he could easily out arm-wrestle me and could pick up more than I could. A little over a year ago at over 80 he reroofed part of his house. It's just crazy. I see him every weekend for about an hour or so. I remember when it all started. It was a couple days before my birthday last year. We heard that he was in the hospital. He had been in there once before years earlier for some reason I don't even really know. I remember because I skipped school by pretending to be sick to go visit him but then they wouldn't let me because they thought I might infect him. We found out it was cancer not soon after we got the first phone call and initially we were all very hopeful. I mean he was in amazing shape for his age. He was built like a grizzly bear. He did get better and we were all so relieved but then later we found out that it had relapsed and my grandfather just didn't want to go through any more treatment because he didn't think it would help. I don't know, the part I remember about hearing about that was how goddamn dramatic my dad was about saying it. My dad loves drama and any chance that he gets to make a big show-stopping number of something he takes. To this day, every time we see him on the way home from a visit he always spends so much time talking about "yeah, this is for real this time" or "we don't have too much time left" or something like that. Every time he says something like that it just pisses me off. It's almost like he delights in it or something. I mean my mom is trying really hard not to be devastated by this and he keeps on bringing it up. And he is so callous about it. It reminds me of a time when I had a friend Steve-o. His longtime girlfriend had broken up with him and I about a month had passed and I told him to just get over it (At the time I had never even asked a girl out). I remember that when my first girlfriend broke up with me, one of the first things I thought was what an asshole I had been when I was talking to Steve-o. It just seems like my dad has no business bringing this up, it's not like he knows what my mom is going through. I mean it's hard enough on me, I can only imagine how hard it is on her. I dunno. I came home on thanksgiving and found my mom on the couch not able to sleep all night. She said it was so that she could leave early to go to best buy to buy Christmas presents at 5 am but I stayed and talked to her and she was just really sad about the whole thing. Having never dealt with death myself and having no firm belief in any afterlife, I just find death terrifying. Throughout history humans have deluded themselves with all sorts of different religions just so they don't have to be terrified of death. I just think of how when I heard that my Grandfather was sick, I wrote him a long letter for him to read in the hospital and while I wrote that letter I just felt so guilty. I felt guilty that I had taken him for granted, that I had taken life for granted. I'm sad, worried and also terrified.
Mood:...

O well, I just got back from Thanksgiving break and am about to start my homework so this will be a short post. My mom is going to get a digital camera soon so shortly you can expect to see some photos along with this site and expect to see a lot more updates once I'm done with classes this semester. Well I've got to work now so see you next time. (I told you it would be short post)

I just got back from my decal class. We watched the movie of the first book. I'd already seen it and contemplated just skipping it but it went by pretty fast. My final project partner is a pretty cool guy and I think the assignment should go pretty well. I'm looking forward to the end of this semester. I normally do pretty well but this semester has been rough. All in all things are going well it's just that physics this semester has hit me hard. I got a C for the first time in my serious school career, but luckily that was only on one midterm and I feel like I can make it up on the final. I think I could conceivably still pull an A but I'm hoping to get a B+. Oh well not too much new, It's been a long time since I've kept a blog so give me a few entries before I get into the habit and it starts to get interesting. I promise it won't all be this boring.

So this is my first post. Big event, mark your calendars. I've been pretty busy all year so I most likely won't post all too often. I just finished writing down a rough outline for a pastiche of the Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy which I have to do for my Dcal class. I don't have to much time so good bye for now.