Mood: At ease
Soundtrack: Coldplay X&Y

Not too much new up with me. On Friday I walked this post grad from Ghana over to the Student Store. He is working on efficiency standards for refrigerators. He was pretty cool guy and we had a nice conversation. I think his name was Ben Higgins but I'm not sure on his last name.

It's my mom's birthday tomorrow so yesterday we had a party for her (confusing huh?) and it was pretty fun. My aunt, uncle, cousins, and my cousin's wife came over. Mostly this weekend I took a break and played a lot of X-men Legends 2. It's a great game but I just wish that it had cable in it. Oh well. I thought I had finished with Christmas shopping earlier but in fact I hadn't. The fm transmitter I bought for Mel's dad's iPod wouldn’t work so I had to return it and find another one, however the only ones that would work with his iPod were either $100 or ones with questionable user reviews. I don't have enough money to buy him that nice of one and if I did, I'd have to get something extra for his wife and once again I don't have money for that either. I just hope he likes it. O well, he'll probably never use it just like the other gifts I've gotten him. I also found out today that my mom hates chenille fabric in clothing. Unfortunately, I bought her 2 chenille sweaters for Christmas. Should I return them? I don't know. How was I supposed to know she didn't like them, she wears that kind of sweater all the time. I don't know. Right now they are over at Mel's. I'll have to take a look at them and see how much they shed and pill. O well.

I, interestingly enough, have stopped worrying so much about death, which is a good thing since as of last night, it was my every 3rd thought. You see my problem was that I couldn't believe that there was any kind of an afterlife because I think that most beliefs of that kind are based around fear, but then Mel pointed out to me a very key other important axiom I have. I truly believe that there is some higher power and to me, if there is a higher power, I can't see how there could possibly be nothing after death, because that would all just seem so exceptionally cruel. This was a big deal for me so now I feel I am much saner...

For the first time in my life, I am seriously thinking that maybe I should look into getting a therapist. I'll have to look around and see what's available here on campus. I think most of that stuff is centered around suicide prevention though, which is not my problem. I dunno, I might ask my parents if it might be ok. It's just that I get panicky really easy and I can't stop worrying about things. I have to get up 3-4 times during the night to make sure that the door is locked. My brother just makes fun of me and tells me stuff like "stop worrying" but I can't. I worry so much that I get panic attacks about 3-4 times a week. I dunno, I'll have to mull it over some more.

Well, I've got some homework to do and I want to watch some TV tonight so I'd better be going.

I'm back. I couldn't quite finish my math because the assignment is ahead of the lectures and rather than trying to grim and bare my way through it, I'll just wait until I can talk with my GSI about it. That is what they are there for anyway. As long as I get the concept by Wendesday I'll be doing fine. Another thing that happened today is that I went to visit my Grandfather today and he is doing a lot better today. He really was happy to see us and seemed really excited to talk to me. When we were about to leave Paul and mom went into the car and he just kept talking to me about all kinds of things: my classes, my roomate, places in Berkeley. I don't want it to sound like he doesn't normally want to talk to me, it just was that he seemed especially interested today which was really great. Today has been a pretty good day. The only thing is that I wish I could have figured out how to do those math problems. It's the last new concept of the semester so I guess that's why it's so complicated. I think my problem stems from some mistake I'm making while parameterizing my surfaces. I'm not quite sure. I've got a lot of studying to do this week, so I probably won't post as much, but soon my classes will be over. I can't wait. I should be going to sleep now though so see you next time.