Robert's Reviews #1 : The Impotent Iron Man?

To start things off let's begin with a special Comic-Con exclusive sneak peak review of Marvel Animated Features' Invincible Iron Man.

Let me just save us all some time and begin with this statement.
Throughout the agonizing and plot-hole ridden 83 minutes of this cinematic abortion filled with nothing by bad acting and what can only be considered sloppy workmanship ( I mean I wouldn't sit in chair made like this for fear of my life), nothing even remotely as interesting or well-thought out as what appears on the back cover of this box occurs during this movie. There is no climatic fight sequence, no climax, no buildup, nothing really except for the feeling you've lost an hour and a half of your life and that you feel as dirty and shameful as if you were dragged through 3 feet of raw sewage throughout the entire course of your career as a custodian at a strip club.

Plot: 0/2 Well, where to start, really... Despite chronal anomalies that would give even Gene Roddenberry fits, there really is not much of a plot (such as building an entire suit of armor and what appears to be at most a couple of hours with basically a hammer and some sheet metal). Some nonsense about some ancient prophecy (which seems just like an excuse for some eye candy fights) not much really happens and what does happen shouldn't have happened. This would have made a better movie, just a black screen. Then maybe I wouldn't have been fooled into dropped $15 on this piece of garbage.

Originality: 0.25/2 Well, this isn't the first Iron Man Movie or the last . At least it was a story I hadn't heard before (even if it was hackneyed). Although it involved the Mandarin who was basically his sole enemy in the '90s cartoon. It's hard to believe.

Acting: 1/2 To be honest there was nothing great nor nothing particularly bad. Totally Mediocre.

Animation: 1.5/2 Well, it looked nice except for the somewhat shabby transitions between obvious drawn and obviously CG scenes and characters. That's a pretty big pet peeve of mine. But that isn't the animation quality's fault, just a lack of taste.

Execution: 0/2 Well first of all who allowed this non-story to be made into a movie. Let's get something straight. I love some terrible, arguably some of the worst, movies ever made but this suffers from what can only be described just not being quite a movie. Perhaps it is Parts 1-3 of a four part episode of Iron Man the cartoon show but this is just not complete. The special effects were as described before poorly sown together (like a jacket I tried to make once out of legos). At least I don't seem to remember anything memorably bad or good about the music.

Bonus Points: 0 Being a movie about Iron Man, this movie is not eligible for these bonus points.

Total: 2.75/10 One of the worst movies I've seen I can't believe I bought this the week it came out. I was so excited and looked forward to this junk. If only marvel would put this kind of money into a solid animated x-men feature or a new tv show. It took what seemed to be a good franchise at Marvel Animated Features (which made some pretty solid Ultimate Avengers movies) and has managed to drag down my expectations for the upcoming Doctor Strange movie about everyone's favorite arrogant neurosurgeon.

I'm afraid I'll have to give this Robert's Sock of the Month.

You SOCK Invincible Iron Man.


Next Issue: Look forward to my review of Doom the movie. Yes they made it into a movie and prepare to be shocked by my review... Or you're DOOMED...